1hipmom (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} 1hipmom) wrote,@ 2008-11-09 22:27:00 |
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My current struggles
For those of you that don't know. I have had custody of a nephew (Chance) since March. Mike and I have tried all that we can do. I have prayed and tried to listen to God on this. Maybe I failed with him. Foolish pride is hard to get over. Mike and I both are the type of parents that it is...what I say goes....With Chance there is always an excuse, day in and day out all day long. We have tried to adapt to him. We have listened and watched him lie over and over. I see a boy that is very lost. He is a boy that plays dumb so he can do everything half-way. He has had a hard past, that is a given. However, we can let our past rule our future. Mike and I have both been stern and positive. I have tried to love him like I do my own but that is hard to do. He does desire that though...he loves the loving attention. It has been a battle of my pride of not letting him get away with lieing, to actually act 16 instead of 9yrs. It has been a struggle just as bad for Mike.
When he came to live with me, I thought well God placed him for a reason. I spoke with a friend from Church that is very wise and I respect her advise. She told me about 4 months ago. That when and if I realized that this wasn't the place for him, I need to respect that and to think about my family. So last week I made a few phone calls with the to the juvenile hall and his doctor. They gave me some ideas and suggestions. I felt fine about it because I feel like we are just spinning our wheels here. I feel like he isn't getting anything at all from us and he needs so much more. He will be 17 in Jan. He needs to grow up quickly and even though it has only been 9 months here with us, I see very little progress.
The guilt is hitting me now though. I think about how horrible I am for sending him off, that he has had such a hard life and look at what I am going to do to him now. I think about how hurt and neglected that he has always been & I think about what this will do to him.
I have talked to him about it. He knows I am really past my limits with him. However, I don't think he really gets it, I think he feels that if he does ok for 2 days that things will be fine.
I am just ready to have my home and family back to normal. I am ready to for my kids to not be around the lies & fit throwing that he does. STILL I think about how he has never had the love of a Mother & Father. I hate myself for not being able to give that to him. Most of you know how giving I am, I don't know why I can't open myself up for him.
Just pray for me. I need the prayers!
For those of you that don't know. I have had custody of a nephew (Chance) since March. Mike and I have tried all that we can do. I have prayed and tried to listen to God on this. Maybe I failed with him. Foolish pride is hard to get over. Mike and I both are the type of parents that it is...what I say goes....With Chance there is always an excuse, day in and day out all day long. We have tried to adapt to him. We have listened and watched him lie over and over. I see a boy that is very lost. He is a boy that plays dumb so he can do everything half-way. He has had a hard past, that is a given. However, we can let our past rule our future. Mike and I have both been stern and positive. I have tried to love him like I do my own but that is hard to do. He does desire that though...he loves the loving attention. It has been a battle of my pride of not letting him get away with lieing, to actually act 16 instead of 9yrs. It has been a struggle just as bad for Mike.
When he came to live with me, I thought well God placed him for a reason. I spoke with a friend from Church that is very wise and I respect her advise. She told me about 4 months ago. That when and if I realized that this wasn't the place for him, I need to respect that and to think about my family. So last week I made a few phone calls with the to the juvenile hall and his doctor. They gave me some ideas and suggestions. I felt fine about it because I feel like we are just spinning our wheels here. I feel like he isn't getting anything at all from us and he needs so much more. He will be 17 in Jan. He needs to grow up quickly and even though it has only been 9 months here with us, I see very little progress.
The guilt is hitting me now though. I think about how horrible I am for sending him off, that he has had such a hard life and look at what I am going to do to him now. I think about how hurt and neglected that he has always been & I think about what this will do to him.
I have talked to him about it. He knows I am really past my limits with him. However, I don't think he really gets it, I think he feels that if he does ok for 2 days that things will be fine.
I am just ready to have my home and family back to normal. I am ready to for my kids to not be around the lies & fit throwing that he does. STILL I think about how he has never had the love of a Mother & Father. I hate myself for not being able to give that to him. Most of you know how giving I am, I don't know why I can't open myself up for him.
Just pray for me. I need the prayers!
